Words: Ben Pulsford

It seems The Falcon and the Winter Soldier star Sebastian Stan is baring all in his new movie, Monday – and minus an actual hole pic, we really mean all. Gifs of the Marvel hunk showing off his smooth Vibranium arse, balls and third arm – have been doing the rounds online and we are gagged. Or, you know, we wish we were.

If you’re not a Marvel fan, you missed out on two A-class jokes back there, btw.

Honestly, Monday sounds like generic Hollywood garbage – although, full disclosure, we’ve only watched the film’s nude gifs, but we have closely analysed and critiqued said gifs of Sebastian’s windmilling willy closely in the name of good journalism. Suddenly wondering whether they call him the Winter Solider cause his dick doesn’t shrivel in the cold. 

I mean, just read the movie’s official IMDb description: 

“A spark on a Friday can lead to a sizzling weekend fling, but what happens when you get to the inevitable Monday?”

IMDb

No. 

Luckily, Captain America’s bestie (suddenly realising we can imagine both these real-life cocks together in our heads now) shows his flaccid dick, bouncing balls and smooth muscly arse in the film – so who even cares.

The film’s heavy nude scenes actually help add a little more context as to why Sebastian Stan decided to break gay social media last week by flashing traffic – and his perfect arse to his followers– last week. Because his naked body is clearly top billing. 

Instagram: @imsebastianstan

Again, we’re only guessing here, but this film is probably terrible (in fact we don’t even know how you watch it, tbh), but this marketing strategy has utterly manipulated the basic bitches in all of us to at least enquire and learn more. 

Side note for non-Marvel fans, Sebastian Stan plays a guy named Bucky on Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Bucky. 

So there’s that, too.