I am a 20-year-old gay man and my sex life is bringing my mood down. I tend to meet guys to whom I am not attracted physically or in any other way. I feel that I do this because I am scared to be validated and judged by someone who I do find attractive. Doing this makes me think less about sex; I don’t feel good afterwards and it is reducing my sex drive. I simply can’t bring myself to meet someone I do find attractive. I think I am sabotaging myself subconsciously, and that’s why I go for guys I find unattractive.
Firstly, I think it’s important to outline that every 20-year-old fucks a few troglodytes. It’s exactly like the old phrase goes… “young, dumb and full of regret”. Honey, if I had a nickel for every ropey trashbag I blew I’d be sitting on a yacht in the Bahamas.
Despite that, it’s also the age when we – especially as gay men – are susceptible to low self-esteem and damaged self-worth. So a problem does begin to arise if you want to stab yourself in the bellend every time you shoot your wad.
You mention the fear of being judged, but the question is, why are you looking to other men – hottie or nottie – for validation at all? When we can validate ourselves, the rejection of others doesn’t sting so bad.
Although… if we’re talking solely about sex, surely the biggest feat is getting them to the bedroom in the first place? So, it sounds like you’re either not confident with your performance or body (if you think either of those things actually matter just look at Britney’s Gimme More performance), or you’re so scared to approach them in the first place that you jizz on the first guy with a heartbeat.
Stop throwing yourself at men who don’t deserve you and throw your face in front of a mirror until you learn to love yourself.
And that’s on, what?!
And like I always say, these men have also probably had sex with menn far uglier than you… so there’s really nothing stopping you from being next!
Good luck! Xoxo