One place where lockdown is taking its toll… our sex lives! We’ve watched every single porn in existence and chafed our penises to the nub… because the government has basically enforced a mass dry-spell onto single people. Although granted, it’s less of a loss for me than the sluts of London.
While we’re adapting to a plethora of changes, it’s distinctly easier to substitute the gym for HIIT training in the park and going to the pub for quizzes over Zoom; but how exactly do we substitute sex?
Honestly, there’s only so many wanks you can have. Let’s not lie to ourselves and say that Skype or phone is anywhere near the same as the real thing (or even a remotely valid form of sexual communication since the early o0s). Not to mention that finding someone we’re attracted to online and then building enough of a rapport to ensure the aforementioned exchanges aren’t awkward as fuck.
Sex toy sales skyrocketed when the quarantine rules first came into play, but even putting a tough rubber phallus up your rectum or sliding your dick into a gooey torch casing, has its expiration dates. Because it’s not actually about the orgasm; it’s about the interaction.
Even if you’re not that into someone, just feeling their hands on the back on your neck or aggressively bashing your bellend, doesn’t compare to anything we do on our own. And that’s the truth. And the even starker truth is that social distancing will be part of society for a number of months at least, and so we’ve reached a point where as lockdown rules relax slightly, so have people’s perceptions about meeting up with guys to fulfil their sexual needs.
Somehow we missed the obvious message in Rapunzel, that the gal was so desperate the be fucked she let a stranger climb up her hair.
While I wouldn’t encourage people to resume random hook-ups, I can see how it’s driving people crazy. There’s no telling who the first guy to get it after lockdown will be, but they better be prepared for a volcano of cum.
On this week’s Cocktails & Confessions podcast Anthony Gilét and Dani St. James discuss how frequently they’ve been masturbating, the now-infamous Meth Gala and what they’ve struggled with regarding isolation.
Stay tuned to hear all about my al fresco date in lockdown, and how not to handle bumping into your ex.