Madonna fans were relieved this week when the Queen of Pop made it onto the stage after a series of cancelled tour dates.

During one of her shows at the London Palladium, Madame X appeared as if she was about to try her hand at stand-up comedy, asking the audience:

“What do you call a man with a small penis?”

But the punchline needs some work…

“The answer is, I wouldn’t f**king know. I’ve never been with a guy with a small d**k. You know size matters, don’t pretend that it doesn’t!”

That’s great, but perhaps Madge should be less worried about her lover’s anatomy and more concerned with punctuality. Just saying. (However, thanks to the strict curfew of Westminster council, she was only 20 minutes late for fear of being fined).

But she was clearly on one! She later grabbed a beer off an audience member and then stated, “There you go, we have just shared STDs.”

Madonna also quipped about searching Grindr for an assistant.