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Fagony Aunt: My Mother Thinks All Gays are Promiscuous – How do I Come Out to Her?

How can I tell Mum I’m gay when she thinks all LGBT people do is have sex? I’m a guy of 25 and out to my friends but not Mum.

I’m ashamed of lying and I think she suspects but she’s old-fashioned and if I told her who I hang out with, she’d think it was just about sex.

I’m an active member of the gay community in our city and it’s not all about sex. I go to clubs, parties and even saunas and don’t have sex every time.

I don’t want to shock my mum and for her to disown me – but I don’t like lying to her either.

Dear Active Member of the Gay Community,

First of all, if you’re trying to convince your mum that all gay men aren’t slags, I probably wouldn’t lead with the “sauna” as being one of the things you do within the community. You seem desperate to prove that being gay and promiscuity aren’t linked but spend all your time at parties and clubs and bathhouses? Maybe join a queer sports team, or gay men’s choir or whatever else it is people do when they’ve got no friends.

She probably does have an inkling though, straight boys don’t usually stay out for three days straight and come home wafting of stale poppers and anal. And if she hasn’t thrown you out yet, then she probably never will. While I don’t doubt your mum is probably a bit of a bellend, perhaps you’re not giving her enough credit? You’ll be surprised how parents can change their tune when their child’s happiness depends on it. Hers might just go from The Lord is my Shepherd to Born This Way.

But especially, as it sounds like those attitudes toward gay sex could be coming from yourself.

How would your friendship circle influence your mother’s opinion on your sex life? Unless you’re hanging around with Michael Barrymore and Dr. Christian?

If she really does hold on to these stereotypical notions about gay men and their sex lives, then I’d recommend hosting a coming-out party. But by ‘coming out’ party, I mean start an OnlyFans, fuck every dad in the neighbourhood and then email the links out in her next Book Club newsletter… Oh, she thinks it’s all about sex? Prove a bitch right.

At the end of the day, we all know how daunting it can be to tell a parent you’re LGBTQ, the only difference is the ones of us that have done it know how freeing it is: and I’m here to tell you that it’s worth it, even if she disowns you; because someone that will disown your true self is not someone worth hiding it from.

Now, go rip off that band-aid, and start living your best life as an out, proud sauna slut!

Xoxo

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