Today’s WTF comes in the form of a doctor’s warning to men using banana skins to wank with. Wait, what? Apparently this is actually a thing after the trend emerged online; which is perhaps the least shocking aspect to the story. Thank yoouu Reddit.

Y’all gon’ be sorry when you catch salmonella on your dick.

According to fans of the practice – who even heat up the skins to enhance the sensation – the slime from the peel works as a lubricant and produces a similar feeling to getting head.

But now professionals are telling men to stop monkeying around as it can cause painful rashes and sores on your bellend. Adding that using banana skins to jack off may even trigger an infection as contact with protein inside the fruit’s skin can cause flare-ups in some people.

Dr Diana Gill of online prescription service Doctor-4-u weighed in: “You could develop a rash and sores on the penis which can be painful and might lead to infection.”

“A person with a banana allergy is more likely to be allergic to other substances such as latex or other fruits and vegetables. So if you’re allergic to latex condoms you may also be allergic to banana skins.”

One lad, who’s clearly bananas for the method, raved: “I have been doing it for years and it’s great. It’s the closest thing there is to a blow job, trust me I’ve had hundreds of them.”

Honestly, there must be SOME app you can blowjob from. Or a gloryhole. Or a sex toy?!

However, site JackInWorld, a hub dedicated to masturbation techniques, backed the claims rating it 4.5/5.

“Simply peel a banana (you can eat it later), slip the peel over your penis, and masturbate with it”, so easy a monkey could do it! Although just to clarify, they mean you can eat the banana later, not the jizzed-in skin.

Adding a pro-tip: “Also, you might have better results if you peel the banana by making just one cut in the peel and removing the fruit through the single cut.”

One thing we think is important to state though, is that this does not count towards one of your five a day.