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Fagony Aunt: My Friend is Secretly Bisexual and Cheating on His Wife with Men

I have a friend, an acquaintance really, who once confessed to me that he is bisexual. This is not a big deal because I am as well. The problem is, his wife doesn’t know he’s bi or that he secretly meets men for sex.

I have repeatedly advised him that he shouldn’t be doing that and he needs to tell his wife. But all that got me is he ceased talking to me. I don’t know if he’s still doing it, but I’m assuming so. What, if anything, should I do or say? Should I tell his wife?

Dear Acquaintance,

I guess we’d need to start with just how much of an acquaintance this person is… It legit sounds like you met him once at a party while you were high and he overshared a bit too much. Chances are he confided in you because you’re – I presume, openly – bisexual. Considering he told someone that isn’t a close friend, nor his wife, it seems he feels alone and potentially ashamed of his bisexuality.

However, the issue with his wife is less to do with the bisexuality, and more to do with the dishonesty, so perhaps it’s important to question why he’s being dishonest to her; is because he’s scared she won’t accept his sexuality or understand his need for more than one partner? Or is it because ultimately he wants to leave her and move down to Copacabana?

Regardless, while the shame and stigma of coming out is one that we can all empathise with, it’s not something we should use to excuse cheating. Do whatever you need to do on the down-low, but don’t break other people’s hearts and give them herpes in the process.

I’m guessing you’re unsure if he’s still making his weekly visits to whichever Grindr twink is living their ‘straight side-bitch’ fantasy it is now because he’s stopped talking to and confiding in you. Good for you, for having a moral compass, although as you guys don’t talk anymore, put simply: it’s really none of your fucking business. Ended friendships should be left in the cemetery or they’ll continue to suck the life out of you.

That being said, I always think that if my man was getting his bumhole tickled someone would tell me, so write an anonymous email and tip her off.

Live long and gossip,

Xoxo

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