Entering the auditions for Britain’s Got Talent, you might expect to smell ambition, fear, and sweat, but hopefuls in Hull instead caught a hot whiff of sex, poppers and shame. Parents of aspiring singers complained to the Hull Daily Mail after ITV arranged auditions for the talent show in the Oak Vaults pub next door to a gay sauna.
To be honest, we feel more sorry for the patrons just trying to get a little pounding in peace and having to leave to a flurry of pushy parents, paparazzi and tone-deaf delusionals; can anybody say “personal hell”? Not to mention the last thing you wanna hear when you’re about to come is an inbred butchering Adele’s Hello.
Hello? It’s me. And I’m flaccid.
One local resident vented: “I have children, and friends who have children, who want to go to this and it’s disgusting that the location has been chosen as this pub.
“Some people may think that I am over-thinking it, but it’s not appropriate to host something that children might want to attend, that’s attached to a male sauna where people are having sex.”
“It’s just completely wrong and I don’t think it’s right for kids to be near all of that.”
Well honey, unless your child can see through fucking walls, we’d suggest getting a hobby.
The pub said they’re “staggered” at the “petty” complaint, and even went as far as to blame it on their competitors. They added: “Britain’s Got Talent are aware of what is next door. Everyone in their right mind knows that they are not connected.”
And considering both the sauna is for over 18s, and under 18s at auditions must be accompanied by an adult, we can’t see the issue. The only reason we have saunas in the first place is because heteros forced us to have sex in secret.