We’d been so preoccupied trying to melt like a candle in the microwave that we almost didn’t notice that guilty pleasure Naked Attraction was back on our screens. So without further ado, here’s our detailed review that skips past the lady bits…
The first week saw store manager Stephanie hunting for a guy that could overcome her clumsiness; and what better way to distract a guy from all that drink-spilling than getting your lills out?
In the first round, Stephanie pronounces her hate for dangly balls and then boots off Nathan (green) for having balls that are too high up. For fuck sake Stephanie, if this is how picky you are about a pair of nads, no wonder you’re single, love.
“No point tugging ’em down now!” yells iconic hostess Anna, as the car mechanic attempts to adjust his bits.
He’s followed by Gary (pink) who’s shunned for having a hairless dong, despite there still being two other shaven shafts in view. (Ol’ Steph is clearly not one for circumcised dick, we see you Stephanie).
Then the faces are revealed: Stephanie has to choose between: a gimpy fitness instructor who’s brows have been plucked like a chicken farm (blue), a tattooed skinhead who genuinely looks like he could die at any minute (orange), a super hunky geek with a turbo-lisp (yellow), and then a wee lad who looks like he grew up wearing hand-me-downs until he was 22 (red).
Shallow Steph ain’t about no lisp, so the big bloke is out!
She’s narrowed it down to red and orange before she emerges with her bat cave out. (No, seriously, she has the batman logo tatted on her fanny). She chooses red and ultimately we don’t even care beyond this point!
The second contestant was a lesbian, so like, good luck etc. but we don’t need to immerse ourselves in that kinda fish market.
Episode 2 aired last night so that recap – which from what I’ve seen is UNMISSABLE – will come tomorrow!