Roses are red, violets are blue, dating ain’t dead, when you do it nude…

If you’re tired of watching your coupled friends gallivant off to exorbitant spas and posting their PDAs on socials, then we think we’ve found an event that’ll curb your craving for romance this Valentine’s: naked speed dating. Besides, who wants a candlelit dinner when you can have a pint of cider and a room full of cock?

Ah yes, nude strangers and strictly-timed encounters is the real definition of intimacy. And on the plus-side you won’t have to worry about your outfit.

A Balham-based speed dating event by Date in a Dash, asks daters to check their reservations – and their undergarments – at the door. Adopting the same approach to dating as Naked Attraction, you’ll be able to size up your date (literally) before even having a goodnight kiss.

But – only if you wish. Guests – which are permitted from 23 – 35 years-old – are informed that if they’d prefer to keep their underwear on, they can. Which perhaps voids the point of ‘naked attraction’ but appeals to more than just cocky exhibitionists, oddballs and French men called Pierre who smell like Marlboro Reds.

“All guys in attendance will line up facing one another and then reveal themselves to each other,” writes the event listing.

“After the big reveal its time to get dressed and compose yourself, grab yourself a well-earned drink just before the speed dating begins! The fun begins here as you get to mingle, chat and flirt with the gorgeous bunch of guys you’ve just seen naked”.

So, we’re a bit confused… you basically just flash each other and then pursue the ones with the biggest dicks at the bar? We’re not sure if that’s actually weirder than being on the dates naked or not. But it’s definitely a new approach – and can’t be any worse than actual speed dating.

We just wish we had the balls to do it.

The dates will take place on 14th February at The Exhibit, Balham (although perhaps that should be The Exhibitionist). Starts at 8pm. Sign-up here.