A new informal study has found that 4 in 5 men don’t think that jacking-off together is gay. Hmm, surely the only that’s true is if four out of the five men they asked were actually gay.

Kyle Mustain, a writer for Slate, asked 87,000 users of Bateworld, ‘is mutual masturbation gay?’

What he found was that 82% didn’t consider mutual masturbation gay. He then went on to ask what does constitute being gay. Most responded with kissing another man, or becoming emotionally attached to another man.

I mean, get your cock out bro, but don’t mention feelings, OK? sounds like most gay men to us.

“According to these respondents, touching a cock isn’t gay; lips touching lips is gay; and for that matter, heart touching heart is really gay.” Interesting. We’re sure droves of queers will use that last line on hot tipsy heteros just to make sure.

[RELATED: Straight Frat Boys More Likely to Kiss Other Guys]

Mustain references Jane Ward who wrote the book on non-gay sex between men. No literally, she wrote the book – Not Gay: Sex Between Men.  In which she states that straight men will adopt ‘props, costumes and dialogue’ to have sex with men, while still waving their heterosexual flag. Hmm, we’re guessing that denial is just a prop, huh?

‘They get drunk and stoned, watch heterosexual porn, and they talk about “pussy […] upon the model of adolescent friendship, or the presumably meaningless and proto-sexual circle jerk’, writes Ward.

Mustain concludes, “What I have also found on BateWorld is that these lines between “just fucking around” and “kinda gay” and “OK, that’s really gay” are indeed superficial and imaginary.”