Where The Truth Lies (2005) may not be Kevin Bacon’s most memorable title, (nor Colin Firth’s for that matter), but that doesn’t mean the film should be forgotten… at least, not entirely.

The pair play successful, wealthy entertainers who are taking Hollywood by storm; a bit like a high-end version of Ant and Dec, without the DUIs. They decide to team-up on a hot hotel maid (as so many straight buddies do), when it all goes terribly wrong and she turns up dead in their suite. Yikes. We wonder who will clean up the mess now?

Anyway, before corpses start popping up, it’s Colin Firth’s peen. While Bacon is giving her his pork, Firth gets in on the act but attempts to slide into a hole that doesn’t below to the maid.

The comfortably joke before Bacon flips out… (maybe he wanted to top?) and yells at Firth for tryna cop a feel. He shouts: “WE DON’T FUCK!” and hence shatters the dreams of all gay and bi-curious viewers.