The show that you’d never watch with your parents but always watch with your friends, is back for season 3. Though Naked Attraction is sure to leave gay viewers relatively deflated in their pussy-packed pilot.

20-year-old Josh is a fairytale musical enthusiast and also a virgin. We’re not insinuating those things are related, except for the fact that Josh is definitely still a virgin because he knows all the words to every Disney song ever. He’s just looking for his princess. Awww, isn’t that weird?

Still though, you gotta have a lot of balls to get naked on TV when you haven’t even penetrated someone before. And that he does. After sitting through about 12 titillating minutes of watching women portray their fallopian tubes to a man that’s never had one fanny in his face – let alone six – we receive confirmation that Josh isn’t getting laid – not because of his tiny member, but rather his passion for children’s rom-coms.

“Golly,” exclaims the TV host as Josh appears sans clothes, before asking what he likes most about his body. “Well… the southern serpent…” he replies. Ay, a serpent that’s never slithered before. Though he takes one girl on a date, and then starts texting the one he rejected. So masculinity does not a prince make, as long as he’s carrying a sword.

Following him is Matt and Mary, who despite their vanilla names, are a polyamorous couple looking for a female third. Yes, more vaginas. After wading their way through a forest of minge, they narrow their search down to two pretty and open-minded girls, before coming out naked themselves.

Come back next week for another review of the nations cringiest, softcore dating show.