I’m a gay man in my 30s and have been with my partner for 13 years – we are very much in love. We’ve had wonderful times together and great holidays, and both get on really well with each other’s families.
However, when it comes to intimacy, the passion isn’t there at all. I’m lucky if sex lasts five minutes. I think we’ve done it twice this year and both times were initiated by me.
Recently, I was contacted by an old flame and the passion that I had with him was explosive.
Last weekend, I met him for a few drinks, telling myself we could get together just as friends, but as soon as I saw him I was instantly aroused and all my feelings for him came back. At the end of the night we shared an amazing kiss and a little more.
Now I can’t stop thinking about him, even when I’m with my partner. My ex is a huge flirt (which isn’t ideal), but he is amazing in bed. What am I going to do?
Dear 13-Year Itch,
You’ll notice by my way of address, that you’ve already exceeded the average martial itch by five years; no wonder you’re playing hide the salami with the ex. Thirteen years is basically a lifetime, but to gay men it’s an eternity. Especially when you’re having sex less than single people, and when you do it’s squeezed into the commercial break of Saturday Night Live.
Not to rock the boat, hun… But have you questioned as to why your sex life is staler than a Jessie J tour? As in, if you’re the one initiating sex with your man, perhaps he’s already back bumping uglies with his ex too? Just a thought.
Realistically, you have three options: leave your man, commit to making it work with him, or open your relationship up.
Leaving your partner of 13 years does seem a bit extreme, at this stage. But after that amount of time, the least you owe him is honesty; broach the reason why the passion in your relationship is – like Katie Hopkins’ decorum – non-existent. Surely your husband’s giblets are gathering just as much dust? Is it just your sex life that needs an injection of passion, or has the entire relationship become a comfort blanket?
It’s possible you’ve surpassed the point of rescuing your boners for each other. In which case, it may be better for you to open -up your relationship? Especially seen as you’re basically there already. You never know, it might be the ideal solution for you guys…
Good luck henny!