Meeting a fit guy on Scruff, and neither of you being able to host is an eternal struggle that we gays can face daily. Where’s our ‘Justice for queens that can’t accom’ placard? But these two horn-dogs found themselves in a spot of legal bother after they made whoopee on a mattress at Bed, Bath and Beyond-gross.

The police of New Jersey received a phone call claiming that there were two gays playing hide the sausage in full-view of their customers. The couple were both charged with lewdness, criminal mischief and possession of marijuana. Hold up… So these bitches got baked, and then boned?! I guess stoned sex isn’t that unusual, but how did they make it to Bed, Bath & Banging with weed-anxiety? I can barely make a lap around Sainsbury’s, let alone pause for a horizontal refreshment with startled onlookers.

But moreover, one – or both – of them were carrying scabies. The two officers who arrested them, also caught them. EWW. Police have said there’s “no clear motive” for them to ‘sword-fight’ in a department store (erm, no accom? Hello?) and that it’s still unconfirmed if they were drunk or high. A rep for the store claims they found the whole incident “extremely upsetting”. Probably because they had to burn an $800 mattress.

[H/t: GSN]