I’m worried that I’m going to be dumped and that I’m not good enough for these two guys I’m seeing. I’m dating two guys who happen to be civilly partnered to each other. They’ve been together for six years.
As a thruple we’ve been together for a year and recently they decided to make our three-way relationship closed – to just the three of us. Which is great. I feel really happy about that. But I’m worried that they’ll get bored of me and want to move on without me. I guess I just feel a little left out on my own. I don’t live with them and although I don’t necessarily want that, I do feel on the outside.
What should I do not to feel on the outside and what do I do if they decide to open up the relationship again – or move on without me?
Dear Third Wheel,
Anybody who’s been in a threesome knows that getting left out is like being the fat kid in PE class all over again, so your concerns entering a more serious relationship of this nature, are natural. But WHY exactly are you worried that you might not be good enough for these men? What’s so great about them? What do they bring to the table? Other than an amazing spit-roast. I’ll assume that both these men are nigh perfect, seen as they have you questioning your own self-worth?
Or is it simply because you’ve snagged yourself a couple of muscle Marys who could have any side dish they wanted? If it’s the latter, then you’re right to feel cautious. Lasting relationships are never based solely on looks/sex, so don’t be blind-sighted but the novelty of having a dick in every orifice.
Listen honey, people will only get bored of you, if you’re boring… Or if they’re fickle. So the fact that you place pressure on them “getting bored” of you, would suggest that your concerns stem from them finding a new toy to play with (that is coincidentally six years younger and has a perkier butt). But, herein lies the problem with open relationships – even if they’re now closed. If they weren’t enough for one another to have a monogamous relationship, then there’s certainly a possibility they’ll Michelle you.
Usually when a man is with you, it’s because you’re the entire package, but in this situation, the couple you’re dating already have each other. And having been dating for six years, as well as living together, means you could get dropped like a heap of manure. Hence why if you can stimulate a man’s mind as well as his prostate, he’ll be as invested as a dog chasing a stick (so to speak).
So what to do?Well, I’d like to tell you the same thing I told Christina when she performed with Madonna and Britney; “if you want the spotlight, you better be prepared to steal it bitch”. Which is fine if you’re being Eiffle-Towered, but nobody can sustain bending over backwards (as well as the futon) forever. Not to mention that in itself will get boring for them and you.
Firstly, ask yourself – am I boring? If not, you’re not the one with the issue. If however, you are the weakest link – she better develop a personality, STAT. Then you know that if they do leave, they never really valued you anyway. So, you can either stay with them and learn to trust the men you’re seeing, because having a relationship without trust is like having sex without an orgasm: pointless. Or simply, find a more traditional relationship that doesn’t fuck with your insecurities.
Good luck! xo
[H/t: Gay UK]