ErotikaLand… The place where wet dreams cum true. Based in Brazil, of course, but only because Norfolk didn’t get planning permission. Entrepreneurs are planning to build the all-thrills park about a two-hour drive from Sao Paulo. But if you thought this was just a theme park, with adult themes and rides named using sexual innuendos – you obviously don’t know the Brazilians. There will be a nudist pool, a 7D cinema with vibrating seats and even the snack bar will sell aphrodisiacs.

We’re guessing visitors will be riding something far more risque than the tea cups… And they will, penis-shaped bumper cars in fact. But despite all of this sexual tension twerking in your face, visitors are not allowed to have sex in the park. “If attendees want to take things to another level, they can go to a nearby motel — which we will operate”, says businessman Mauro Morata.


Investors claim the park will take a healthy approach to sex – look out for little elderly Brazilian lady shoving condoms in your hand as you leave – and create over 250 jobs for locals. Tickets will be $100, 10 bucks more than Disneyland (Anaheim), giving the area a much-needed tourism injection. Well, they do say sex sells. Funnily enough, we don’t think they’d have had an issue with our Disney outfit.

Critics claim the park will attract “debauched individuals”. Like every city that holds a Pride festival. The big opening is set for 2018. Brace yourselves.