We might put on a bitchy tone and bitter front, but realistically, we’re all about the positivity in life. That’s why we’re passing on the wisdom we’ve picked up over the past couple months few years. Your life will only ever be as bright as you make it, and one of things that has the biggest impact is the people you surround yourself with… So here’s five types of people we suggest you cut ties with – stat! Fakes, flakes, haters, basics and Judas’.



They’ll be smiling to your face and rolling their eyes behind your back – because fake bitches are too damn frail to do it to your face. Suffering with the severe delusion that everybody loves them, without realising that their multi-faceted persona is as translucent as a contact lens. Fakes become so adapted to flicking through countless facades that they don’t even really know who they are themselves. A lack of depth and genuinity leads to fickle “friendships” and never maintaining a substantial relationship. I’d rather have real people that hated me in life, than deceptive fakes. Nobody needs compulsive lying from an empty shell messing up their positive shit.



Bringing all this flakiness up in here like a Greggs pasty, urgh. You may not see a flakey person as that much of a negative influence, but the truth of it all, is that when a person cares for you, no matter what the nature of their personality – they don’t blow you out without an explanation. They don’t make empty promises which they know they can’t keep. They don’t let you down when you need them. Your time is valuable, and somebody that doesn’t appreciate that enough not to waste it, clearly doesn’t respect you. Furthermore, it’s annoying as fuck. Oh, but rest assured they’ll be fully reliable when they want something from you.


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A hater can never be happy for anyone else, because other people’s success only highlights their own failures. But rather than use that as motivation for themselves, they’ll try and bring you down. What’s best to keep in mind, is that these people are entirely irrelevant to you and your goals. You can’t please everyone in the world, and the more people that hate on you for no valid reason are only a marker of how well you’re doing. If they channeled as much energy into chasing their dreams as they did attempting to drag others back, they’d have no need to be bitter.

Read here, for why your haters can be a good thing. 



2-dimensional pigeons are draining. This is a tough old world, and you need all your spare energy to cope with it at times, so don’t be handing it out to every attractive face with the personality of cum rag. Pass them on. There’s an abundance of other village bitches that they’d be better suited for, so save your specialness, princess. They’ve already distracted your focus from more relevant things by hitting up your inbox with such riveting banter as “wuu2?” – don’t bother allowing any more by responding. Trust me, if they sucked dick like the way they suck the life out of us intelligent humans, they might be bearable for longer than two seconds. Even worse, are the basics that think they’re not basic.


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The worst of them all. Honey, this bitch doesn’t even need 30 pieces of silver to sell you out, she’ll do it for a simple lay. They’ll be straight into bed with your man, while you’re nailed to a crucifix. Let alone use your head as a stepping stone to get to where they want to be. To be fair, they’d probably sell Nana Rose down the river for a new sweater. Chances are you’ll have to experience at least one knife wound to the back before you realise who’s a Judas, as they’ll masquerade as a loyal disciple. And be wary, and while the first cut might be a graze, the second could be a butchering. If somebody does something that double-crosses your morals – sleep with your eyes open sweetie.