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So some backward church in Arkansas has given a twink the boot out of their painful weekly hour services because he sashayed out the closet. Devo’d? Hardly. It’s like a get-out-of-jail free card. Hey God, totes still worship you etc, but can’t make church no more because those gremlins running things won’t let me through the door. Soz. Still praying tho. The church asked him to abandon his “sinful” lifestyle — How they even though this gay was a sinner? That’s why you gotta turn off your Grindr notifications during mass. ANYWAYS…

They sent poor Dylan Settles some weak BS:

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Personally, we like our version of the letter better:

It has come to the attention, of the gym body Church body, that you have made it known publicly of your choice to embrace Cher, glitter and shirtless raves the homosexual lifestyle. While we understand the gay boy problems struggles we all face with dick sin in our asses lives, we must also be aware of the consequences of our coitus choices.

As a chicken Christian we must choose to serve and obey dominant tops, in accordance with God’s holy wood word, in order to remain a mary member in good erectional standing of the church body. We as the church boredom board at Morning Wood’s Chapel General Bummers Baptist Church, have with great ignorance sorrow, voted to remove your mincing name immediately from the church membership roleplay role.

It is the desire of your simple-minded brainwashers church family, you would turn from all the hot gay sex the sinful lifestyle you have chosen, repent of the blowjobs sins you have committed, and return to full closet-case fellowship with half the choir boys God and the Church body.