Retired porn star Brandon Hawk has resorted to begging his ‘fans’ for money so that he can get a new tattoo. The ropey raggedy-assed queen is desiring a new wrist cuff that pays homage to his new love of getting fisted. He states that if he raises enough, he will make one last film too – YAY!

The bareback Baroness states: “I feel a little awkward and selfish doing it but have had a few fans tell me it’s ok and pretty cool to be part of the inspiration to come back to porn,” he told GSN. “I have also had people tell me to stop begging and pay for it myself. Such is the life of a porn persona. We can never please everyone.”

She continues… “I don’t miss porn that much, however, there are a few newcomers since I have left that I would LOVE to feel ball deep in me […] I also think it is hot to do one final film, since I didn’t really do that before I left. Ideally I will cast and direct as well.”

Hawk has now stated that he doesn’t want to be seen as a “douche bag” and splitting the profits 50/50 with the Pride Center in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Well, it’s certianly a relatively unique situation…

Hey Brassic Hawk,

Obviously, I don’t know you. And I don’t mean that because we’ve never met, I mean that because I’m just part of the 98% of the world that hasn’t heard of you. Retired ‘actors’ or indeed porn stars, do occasionally reappear for one final bang, but that’s when they’re offered the money too. Not because they’re so thirsty for the new dick on the block, they’ve started they’re own fundraiser to get their oesophagus punctured. Sweetie, you’re clearly getting very ahead of yourself, assuming these young, hot boys would ever stick their stiffies in your sloppy guiseppe. It sounds like a challenge of off Fear Factor, if you ask me…

Not only does your desperation of asking for money exceed anything I’ve ever heard of (when there are more charities in this world than you’ve had donkey dicks up your rectum, that could use the money for good).

Sister, there are people starving in this world. There are children being abused. Innocent people tortured. And you want charity so that you can get stuffed like a worn-and-torn teddy bear with a tattoo to celebrate it?  Bitch, your ego is nearly as engorged as your starfish.  Have a look at the world around you; the real one, not the one full of daddy issues and whores.

“Such is the life of a porn persona.” Bless you, you must have dyslexia too, as I’m sure that was supposed to read, “such is the life of a tragic trashbag.” I’m sure when you found your hole weeping the other day you just assumed it was other STI’S of some sort. No dear, that was your poop chute crying because you said you were going back into business. Well you certainly put the ‘tired’ in retired. 

You stated that you “don’t miss porn that much”… So you’re literally calling out to strangers for money so that you can get wocked out by the fresh-faced toddlers. What, you gonna do this every ten years until you draggin’ your bowels?

Sit yo’ BATTERED ass down, boo. And I don’t mean on one of these twink’s cocks.