Recently some friends and I stumbled upon the topic of first impressions, and how other people perceive us.
“My sister has said that the only really unlikeable thing about me, is that I come across as though I think I’m better than everyone else”. I volunteered, as I cackled at how ridiculous the observation was. Only to realise that I was the only mother-fucker laughing…
…Before looking around to see everybody else solemnly nodding. WAIT, HOLD UP. So it turns out this wasn’t just one person’s misconstrued perception of things – this was a shared opinion. And trust, if your friends can’t tell you the truth, then who can?
“I don’t think you think you’re better than everyone else…” started Ant, “but I think you walk with a confidence that could be perceived as arrogance”.
Hmm… I wasn’t convinced.
“I don’t think it’s that”, Hannah proposed, “I just think you can be a bit dismissive…” Shame. All these years I thought I was doling out courtesy pies was in fact just cold, shiny, shade.
“But then once people get to know you, I think they know that you’re not like that” Toni feebly attempted to stick a band-aid over a gaping war wound; which was that the common consensus was that unless you knew me, I’m a stooshe bitch.
“Like, whenever I introduce you to people that read your blog, you’re always very polite to them…” Were these really the straws we were clutching at now?
But it’s interesting to know how other people see you, especially when you had absolutely no idea at all. It’s been mentioned before that people have thought I didn’t like them before they met me, or have found me intimidating but I’d just shrugged it off as their issues, or put it down to resting bitch face (which is TOTALLY a real thing). It’s like if you don’t have a permanent smile plastered on your face people think you’ve got the hump.
So how bad is it really that people think that? Believe me, I’ve met a number of people who you perceive to have an attitude problem before you know them properly – some people just have that face (I just didn’t realise I was one of them). And the thing is, even when you speak to people and clarify that you’ve never had a problem with them, most of the time it’s OK, but sometimes there still seems to be an awkward tension that lingers around like Christina Milian. So, the next step…
“What do I do to change it?” desperately pleading because I can’t stand the thought of people thinking I’m dick. How tragic.
“No babes, don’t ever change!” instructed Chris.
“It’s who you are!” said Toni.
And I guess they were right, if I give of a natural air of superiority, maybe that’s how I am. Obviously with my love life being the biggest joke going, this was quite easy to laugh off. It was actually fairly funny tbh.
And realistically, I think a lot of it boils down to this:
Which is a fucked up notion, but with some people (*raises hand*) there’s just no in between.
When I discussed the matter with my friend Carly, she said that “I think you just know who your friends are, and if people aren’t in your circle then you don’t feel the need to make the effort”. Which, yeah is kinda true. Sorry, but life is too short, to spend hours entertaining people that I have absolutely nothing in common with. So maybe that’s where it stems from. I’ve also got bare friends that I already struggle to see enough off, so perhaps I’m a little territorial about pushing out my loyal bitches for new people.
Obviously, I brought the topic up again with my sister, and she simply stated “you just have standards. And if people don’t meet your standards, you ain’t gonna waste your time with them.” Now, this is a bitch who doesn’t mince her words. And you know, telling yourself you have standards is much easier to accept than being an unnecessarily shady queen. But if I’m picky with my friends, God knows how I view potential boyfriends. That would explain why I’ve been single for 25-years though. Although, perhaps 50% was because on some level they weren’t good enough, and the other 50% just never text me back.
Maybe it’s a defence mechanism that will hinder me from ever settling down because nobody will ever fill that expectation of the perfect man, or maybe it’s something beneficial that will stop me wasting months of my life in relationships that were never going to work anyway.
At the end of the day, we all have negative traits – whether we realise it or not. When you know them, at least you know yourself a little better.