Every now then somebody sets out to do a huge survey to reveal updated data about our sexual activities/organs. How often do we have sex? How long does that sex last? And of course, how big is the average dick we’re doing.

So scientists measured the dongs of over 15,000 men – you know, because, science. Apparently they saw everything from the micro-penis to biggest dicks around (so they met Justin Bieber then?), and what they concluded was that the average erect penis was 5.2 inches, and 3.6 inches flaccid. And when it comes to girth, they found the average circumfrence was 4.6 inches hard and 3.7 inches on a floppy.

Apparently the study was conducted to help men suffering from body dismorphia (aka penis insecurity); after comparing themselves to porn stars, other men at urinals and being teased by their partners. Basically, the NHS wanted to arrange this huge fuck-off study so they don’t have to deal with “depressed” middle-aged men seeking penis enlargements because their wife ran off with a more successful (and potentially bigger dicked) partner. Cut to GPs across the world rolling their eyes because every man wants to have a 12-inch dick, and are claiming severe depression until they get one for free.

Or maybe they just recognise an unnecessary low self-esteem problem in a lot of men, and are hoping this will help. The NHS also offer official guidelines for measuring your penis. No, seriously. Don’t measure it on a floppy, they say. Because, they can very depending on how the room temperature, or if you’ve been popping pills over the weekend. And, also you ain’t poking nobody when it’s soft. Do it when it’s erect, from the base of the penis nearest your stomach to your japseye.

Have fun boys! *Everyone who hasn’t measure their penis in years, now does it again to see where they measure on the new scale*