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Dear Mum,

It’s weird how you can go years being accustomed to somebody not being there. Somebody who should be there. Somebody who should actually be the light of your life. And then, one day I hear your song, Motown’s My Girl on the radio, and suddenly I can’t breathe. Suddenly I’m overcome with emotion because of all the times I would have given everything I have in the world, just for a hug from my mum. Because of all the times I just needed a little bit of advice, about whichever boy had pissed me off that week. Because of all the times I would have loved to introduce you to my friends, and have them say “I love your mum!” Because of all the times I’ve wanted to pamper you on Mother’s Day, and now the best I can do is a letter that I’ll never get a reply to.

But mainly because of all the moments to come that we won’t ever be able to share. Of course, I believe that you’re still very much a part of my life, regardless of whether I can see or hear you, but knowing that you won’t be sitting in the front row at my wedding, breaks my heart. Thankfully you left me with a strong, smart and loving family who make that void I’ve become so accustomed to, less painful. But even though you’re not standing in front of me to give me a tongue-lashing for neglecting my blog because I was off my tits at a chill out, I have no doubt that you’re keeping an eye over me.

Like the time I got stuck going to the Attitude Awards on my own, and I bumped into someone I knew before I even got inside. Or when I was scared that I was making a bad decision, getting involved with the wrong boy, and I prayed for you to get me out of it, and suddenly I never heard from him again. Or when I was desperate to change my way of life and you gave me the courage to take a leap of faith and follow my dreams – even though I won’t be able to say ‘thank you’ when I fulfil them.

I’d never felt the urge to write to you before. But as I’m starting to grow up (finally), I’ve realised how much harder life can be when you’re not there. So, I guess this is my thank you letter. Thank you for being my mum, from wherever you are. Thank you for giving me more strength than I ever knew I had. And thank you for being my Guardian Angel.

Happy Mother’s Day.


Regardless of whether your mum is here or has passed, let’s raise a cocktail to the fierce bitches that birthed us.