Nick Jonas has released a video demonstrating how to achieve the perfect crotch grab – because it’s obviously something that takes years of practise to get right. To think they’re are people on YouTube teaching you how to do an immaculate face of make up, or how to vogue but nobody has taught the world how to hold their junk?

And yes, you’d be right to notice the air quotes, as this is barely a tutorial. Just another attention seek. Nick Jonas is basic hot, we know that. But this video is weaker than Ke$ha’s lyrical game. Call this a lesson? Bitch, please. Somebody needs to teach the man how to really turn it on. You gotta drop trou, get those tighty-whities wet, give that bulge a squeeze and accompany that shit with a smize and lip bite – not “crotch + grab = crotch grab”. As you can see from the photos above that he knows how to do it, so why have Now Magazine made him dial down the sexiness? *Rolls eyes*

Although he did state his third point being “a willingness to do anything” – get on your knees then, bitch. Or teach us by grabbing our piece. As long as it’s something perverted and more interesting than those 30 seconds you’ve robbed from us…

Though if you wanna see it anyway…