It’s actually been one hell of a year; and here are just 10 of our most memorable moments…
1. Tom Daley’s Coming Out
He was the apple of many a chicken-lovers eye, and the Olympic diver finally sent them into overdrive when he announced recently that he was seeing a man. A truth that multiplied when it turned out his lover was Dustin Lance Black; and had earlier released a sex tape. Naturally the gay world was divided into people supporting his choice, supporting his first visit to Chariots and supporting a break-up so they felt a little less alone. Alas, the only thing we can hope for Daley is that as somebody with a certain amount of protection around him, that he’ll never have to meet the gays of Vauxhall Hills. *Calls maid to take out rubbish bags*
2. Nigella Becomes Higella
People (gays especially) jumped on this bandwagon quicker than Beyoncé dropped a house on the music industry. If somebody had told you six weeks ago that the chef who masturbates her food before she cooks it would be an “icon” by the end of the year, you would have laughed; but one shocking drug allegation and a ferocious court appearance later and here we are. Coke addiction put you on the map girl. Can’t wait for next year’s show…
Nigella teaching stoners how to make the perfect space cake.
Catch our letter to her here.
3. Everything about Miley Cyrus
It was dubbed by The Evening Standard as the Cyrus virus, but we thought that’s just what Robin Thicke caught from her. The ‘We Can’t Stop’ video was actually a cool concept, but clearly making headlines is more addictive than crack as Miley proceeded to take part in a number of thirsty publicity stunts, including brandishing a joint on stage, writhing around naked on a wrecking ball, twerking with midgets, throwing shade at Sinead O’Connor, countless shoots with her pussy out, etc etc. Completely shameless, but isn’t that why people love her? No, it’s because when we have a trashy weekend she makes us feel like total saints.
4. Kim and Kanye gave birth to North
They were the celebrity couple that people weren’t really expecting, but having an Aldi-version of Beyonce and Jay Z has actually made for entertaining reading. While pregnant Kimmie was compared to three seater sofas, Shamu and even ships… Yes it’s cruel to mock pregnant women (sort of) but the world lavished seeing the woman with the enviable curves ballooning to the size of a semi-detached house; it’s human nature. Then they went and named their first born “North”, making her full name North West. Like the direction. And definitely the least coolest of all the directions at that.
5. Beyoncé became God
Following the release of her visual album, 14 tracks including 17 videos, that was kept secret the entire time and then dropped overnight – the world literally went nuts. Sending social media into complete meltdown as she just sat at her dining table, wearing diamonds, smiling. Britney cried so hard that Iced Starbucks coffee came out her nose. Rihanna ain’t rocked herself to sleep like this since Chris Brown gave her a knuckle sandwich. Taylor Swift was so depressed she cancelled her birthday. And Gaga gone sobbing to herself on that bed made of human teeth she sleep on. Even Jesus looked down on her and thought, damn – I worked my ass off healing the blind and this bitch drops a visual album overnight? Shit, man.
6. Selfies Turned Into Amateur Porn
The rise of the ‘belfies’ and ‘lelfies’ this year was off the chart. Every celebrity had a slutty selfie this year (even Ke$ha almost had her cooch out at one point). They started off as semi-innocent ego-boosting bikini pics and evolved into full on obscenities. Z-listers flashed their crack in front of Faces Nightclub while the A-listers ‘presented’ on yachts… Still, as long as you shared a snap on Twitter groping your giblets with a Nashville Filter – you got swallowed up by this fad too. *Averts eyes*
7. Gaga made a “comeback” with ARTFLOP
It the most anticipated album of the year, everybody wanted to know what her new sound would be. Would she gonna be wearing moose testicles for earrings? (No, just a moose’s knuckle for a vagina) and what concepts were going down for the video? Unfortunately she disappointed on almost all counts. Applause and Do What You Want were great singles, along with a couple catchy jams on her album, but her TV appearances always leave you thinking; fuck man, she got balls bigger than her platform boots to go on television that high.
8. Celebrity Tragedies
Unfortunately, there was sad news too… Cory Monteith (star of GLEE) passed away earlier this year due to a suspected heroine and alcohol overdose. What followed was an tearful and emotional tribute on the series. Later this year, Hollywood actor Paul Walker (Fast and the Furious) died unexpectedly in a car crash.
9. Beckham for H&M
Definitely one of the most talked about adverts this year, saw David running through the streets in just his underwear. Actually running. In underwear. Getting wet. He may have been around for a while but boy did he make us feel like a little school boy fawning over his posters again. No? Oh sure, me neither.
10. Divorce hit Hollywood
It wasn’t just the golden (anniversary) couple Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones that ended up in courthouse. The couple were said to be experiencing stress due to tension arising from his impotence and one of her personalities being a nymphomaniac. But also seemingly happy Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner also took a turn for Splitsville. Rumour has it that Kris asked for a pearl necklace for her birthday but woke up to something very unexpected. In Bruce’s defence though he probably just assumed that’s where her daughters got it from. Oh, and George Clooney broke up with that blonde strand of hair that’s allergic to clothes.
Other posts you might like:
>> 13 Hot (and not-so-hot) Celebrity Messes
>> The First World Problems of Reality TV Stars
>> EXCLUSIVE: Queens of Pop 2013 Round Up
