The all-star cast should've made this more than it was.

The all-star cast should’ve made this more than it was.

You gotta love a Wednesday invite to go to a private screening of the latest blockbuster with the fag hags you went to school with. I hadn’t actually heard of the film but who am I to pass up a free cinema ticket and chatting about cocks with three of on my favourite girls. CAMP! There was even free blue popcorn – very bouji! None of us knew why it was blue – although now I’ve kinda clocked I think they were going for green because of the Emerald City and that witch. Although the connection is more far-fetched than Jennifer Love Hewitt winning an Oscar.

I also didn’t know it was in 3D. The SFX of Oz are what really sell the film, and the CGI is pretty amazing; although with a budget of £200 mil. you’d expect better 3D visuals. Most of the action didn’t jump out far enough and would’ve sufficed without wearing those spacky glasses that make you look like Alan Carr. There also wasn’t enough of it. And why, with such a big budget, was Michelle Williams (of ‘Brokeback Mountain’, not the singer – I was totally duped too) weave lacking so much volume?! Also with such an epic tale (albeit the story is primarily focused on the Wizard – hence no Dorothy, Tin Man, Scarecrow and only a cameo from the Lion) I expected more of an ending battle. Those witches gave up way too easily! And it was a little bit long. Especially when the guy behind you in cackling like Jimmy Carr. Honestly, I thought there was a walrus in the theatre. Breathing down my neck every five minutes, it was like sitting in front of Predator.

That said, it can be rare to find high-budget stylistic features that pull through an effortlessly engaging plot, so I didn’t expect a film where I had to use my brain. The little china bitch added some memorable one-liners; “I’m made of china. I have to protect myself some how” – while whipping out a blade knife like some ghetto chick from Peckham ends.
While Mila Kunis (‘Friends with Benefits’) figure was slammin’ in wet look leggings, she didn’t shine as an evil character. It may seem like I’m ripping this film to bits, but it was fun, camp, easy-watching and is worth seeing just for the CGI alone and will no doubt be a bit hit with young-uns. But don’t expect any gongs going out for the acting.

Rating: 7/10