Great Wall of Grindr: Yoga & Gin
Feb17

Great Wall of Grindr: Yoga & Gin

Don’t you just hate it when you’re on a date in Balans, and you asks the guy what he’s into and he starts talking about yoga, like what has that gotta do with sex? BUT, this being Grindr – and therefore – not Balans, or a date for that matter, Dani knew full well what he was asking. But sassy bitches don’t give up that information like an unwanted child. Clearly her banter was lost on him…...

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Great Wall Of Grindr: Totally Toxic, Babe
Feb11

Great Wall Of Grindr: Totally Toxic, Babe

Well, as you’ve seen plenty of times before, Grindr users love to propose an odd sexual request. Listen, Kevin just laid it down, basically; you don’t wanna be within the vicinity when he lets one rip. And all you gym bunnies out there know bout that protein fart, init. But ‘filth wanted’ pursued… Sent in from Kevin, London. I say, do it. Kill his cat with your toxic fart. And then leave like this:...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Love Is Sweet, Love Is Bitter
Feb10

Great Wall of Grindr: Love Is Sweet, Love Is Bitter

What with Valentines just around the corner (ooh the excitement of the hot, single lads and their dwindling standards) we decided to treat yo’ asses to a mooshy message from this bipolar beauty. From Daniel, London. I mean you can just imagine him cooking you breakfast in bed on your day and then when the smell of bacon didn’t wake you up, setting your house on fire. Bitch, where’s your dignity? Don’t you know...

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Great Wall of Grindr: The Gargler
Feb05

Great Wall of Grindr: The Gargler

We live in 2015. There’s simply no need for a ‘hello’. Introductions are so passé. And you can save the small talk for your barber. The world is far too fast-paced to be wasting time with all that shit (no pun intended). Which is why ‘filthy’ decided to get straight to the point… Yeah I wanna see you do that mother-fucker. He was all game at first, and now she’s thinking about the crescendo in...

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Great Wall of Grindr: A Case Of Mistaken App-dentity
Feb01

Great Wall of Grindr: A Case Of Mistaken App-dentity

You know the thirst is real when you’ve exhausted your Grindr, Hornet, Scruff, Recon, Jack’d, Manhunt, etc, etc, and have to move on to social networks to trawl for cock. First piece of advice, get a profile pic. Or at least a fake one. Homosexuality is rife enough that nobody fucks a blank profile. The same reason nobody has used a glory hole since the 70s. Secondly, when the guy calls you out on it, trying to retract...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Young, Dumb & Full Of Cum
Jan30

Great Wall of Grindr: Young, Dumb & Full Of Cum

Slut-shaming. Considering we’re all kinda skets underneath it all, it’s not nice. But it can be funny. This guy chose to divulge WAY too much information. “would totes be pregos”, girl you are pregnant. With AIDS. “warm ropes of cum volleying” actually DEAD. This bitch thinks she’s the next Danielle Steele. Wouldn’t give up your day job. Have you shamed a slut on Grindr? Show us girl!...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Getting Catty
Jan29

Great Wall of Grindr: Getting Catty

It’s a ‘scientific’ fact that 80% of Grindr users are seriously deluded. Obvs. So sometimes when one gets really into a hook up, or in many cases – even has the audacity to message you in the first place – you have to really crank up your playing. You can just picture him sitting there with his cock out, not really on board with it, but just so pleased he’s getting laid. Got a funny Grindr chat?...

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Great Wall of Grindr: God Loves A Trier
Jan19

Great Wall of Grindr: God Loves A Trier

You know when you’re up in the club with your girls boys, and some village troll come and try lay it on you with a cheesy chat-up line. Well, it seems nowadays you don’t have to spend £8 on a Pornstar Martini for the pleasure. And I know you’ve heard people say “God loves a trier”. Well, there’s a trier, and then there’s a liar. Brooklyn Beckham and Channing Tatum look nothing alike. So either...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Show Me Your Dick*
Jan14

Great Wall of Grindr: Show Me Your Dick*

Nowadays err’body wanna see yo’ dick pic. Don’t matter if you Black, White, girl it don’t even matter if you the Elephant Man, they wanna see tha’ goods. Obvs Grindr hoes are laughable as it is, but when you find yourself having a three-way with autocorrect, that’s when things can get fun… Sent in from Ruairi, London. Got a funny Grindr auto-correct? Send it our way:...

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Great Wall of Grindr: “Uncomplicated Blowjob”
Jan13

Great Wall of Grindr: “Uncomplicated Blowjob”

When using hook up apps such as Grindr, you often find people looking for rather specific requests, sometimes they wanna leave the door unlocked until you come in and pound them like a steel drum, other times they just want something specifically simple… Had a random request in the Grindr bedroom? Show us!...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Now You Know
Nov19

Great Wall of Grindr: Now You Know

This is the problem with using Grindr abroad… Sure, you’re inundated with fresh faces and new knobs than the usual harrassers within a three mile radius. But when shit like this goes down. Honey, sometimes you just have to whip your weave and school a bitch. Had to take a Grindr hoe to college? Show us… contact@cocktailsandcocktalk.com  ...

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Great Wall of Grindr: A Swift Move
Oct24

Great Wall of Grindr: A Swift Move

Grindr is used for all sorts of things these days, other than just hook ups. It’s used to find gym buddies, advertise rooms to rent, and of course rip the piss out of people and post the conversations on the internet so all the gays in the land can laugh. Standard. But how about flogging albums? We doubt it contriobuted much to Taylor Swift’s album sales, but still, at least one fan tried… But what’s even...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Shaving Private Ryan
Oct17

Great Wall of Grindr: Shaving Private Ryan

I mean, each to their own init, but how is that gonna be your conversation opener? And as if the cheeky bitch thought she was gonna get an extensive beauty treatment for free? Girl please, I’d cut my own balls off before I got down and attempted to cut that straggly bush. And then you try wrangle a blowjob out of the shadow of rejection? Well, they do say God loves a trier. But you know what? He also loves a trimmer. Other posts...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Feed Me Diamonds
Sep28

Great Wall of Grindr: Feed Me Diamonds

As the late Joan River’s once said: “If God wanted me to bend over, he’d of put diamonds on the floor.” PREACH, sister. And the same goes for this scenario; come on bro, don’t be a cheap ass mutha fucka. Sent in from Matthew, London. Any other comical Grindr chats? We want them!! contact@cocktailsandcocktalk.com Or tweet: @cocktalkblog Other posts you might like: >> “Want… Take… Have” >> Great...

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Great Wall of Grindr: *Whips Weave*
Sep06

Great Wall of Grindr: *Whips Weave*

The GALL. The absolute gall just leaves me gasping for oxygen sometimes. Yeah sure, this drip probably thought he was being “cute”. Girl, even Ryan Phillipe couldn’t pull off cute if he was insulting my eyebrows. Some people really can’t grasp the concept of banter. Thankfully, he got put in his place… Sent in from Matthew, London. Got some fasty ass bitch all up in Grindr grill? Give it to me, baby,...

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