Great Wall of Grindr: Alright, Sunshine?
Sep05

Great Wall of Grindr: Alright, Sunshine?

It’s always nice when someone says something other than ‘hey’ or ‘whats up’… Well, we say always. Sometimes just a ‘hey’ will suffice. I mean, what kind of conversation opener is this? It’s worse than “you come here often?” I mean, ‘U in the sun a lot?’, I live in London you mug, so obviously not that much. So yeah, you tan-ked girl. Got funny Grindr crap?...

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Great Wall of Grindr: The Great Freddo Debate
Aug10

Great Wall of Grindr: The Great Freddo Debate

Freddos are a very passionate subject. Just ask anyone that was born in the 80s/early 90s. If you didn’t grow up with Freddos, good luck making something out of your fucked up life. Don’t get it twisted, Freddo was an icon of the 90s, like Barney the dinosaur or those hideous trainers that light-up when you run. So it’s no surprise this conversation escalated as quickly as it did… Credit: Sam, Essex The only...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Street Style?
Jul11

Great Wall of Grindr: Street Style?

Have you ever been stopped by those bloggers or scouts that wanna take your picture because you’re looking so fleeked that day? No, me neither. But I totally know people that have. Well, this is kinda like that – only this person weren’t spotted because of the on-trend garms… Anon, London Friends fucked on chems? NO SORRY, YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG PERSON. Listen, as the Spice Girls once sang: If you wanna be my...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Techniques Of Seduction
Jul02

Great Wall of Grindr: Techniques Of Seduction

Guys will use all sorts of grooming techniques to get you round their place for a shag. Usually it’s “Hung XL” (despite the fact their face looks like it’s been raped by Ebola). Occasionally it’s “will suck, don’t want anything in return”. This time, it was…   Sent in from Patrick, Australia I MEAN, actually sending photos of the baggies. Two DINKY baggies, at that. Where you...

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Great Wall of Grindr: The iChancer [NSFW]
Jun17

Great Wall of Grindr: The iChancer [NSFW]

You can always trust Grindr to take desperation to a new level. Like just when you think you’ve reached the basement of thirst, you find the dehydrated sub-basement. Sent in from Patrick, Australia.  And this guy ain’t even offering payment for some depraved activity like the run-of-the-mill Grindr goat. NOPE. He’s not even selling his body for cash. NOPE. He’s tryna flog amateur pics of himself straggling his...

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Great Wall of Grindr: All Alone & Looking For Fun
May18

Great Wall of Grindr: All Alone & Looking For Fun

Why do these harlots continue to pursue a princess when she just ain’t interested. Get to know – no reply does not mean ‘persist’. Give it a rest, I don’t wanna touch you. *Sprays Febreeze* Of course you all alone. You thirsty, ugly and probably broke. Girl BYE. Stop slewing up my screen with your nasty. Persistent Pervs? Tell ’em ’bout they lonely life. contact@cocktailsandcocktalk.com Tweet:...

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The Most ‘Poetic’ Recon Profile You’ll See This Week
May16

The Most ‘Poetic’ Recon Profile You’ll See This Week

Not, QUITE sure where to begin with this one. Knowing that Recon is for the – let’s say – kinkier gentleman, but never having had the app, we’re not sure if this is commonplace (on the app), but girl, what we do know is . Whatever “Pagan Poetry” is, it certainly differs from a bit of Oscar Wilde. He’s got a “low voice”, so at least you know that when you’re elbow deep in his...

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Great Wall of Grindr: A Question Of Worship
May10

Great Wall of Grindr: A Question Of Worship

You know when you get those deluded bitches, way up their on that pedestal made of denial? You can either walk by and let that misguided bitch enjoy whatever bubble she’s living in, or you give the base of that pedestal a little kick and watch the thot fall from non-existent grace… “White guys usually worship black guys”? I thought white guys usually worshipped Britney – but I must be wrong. Anywho, do...

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Great Wall of Grindr: *Clutches Pearls*
May04

Great Wall of Grindr: *Clutches Pearls*

If this Grindr snapshot proves one thing, it’s that romance is NOT dead. There are still some men out who will call you baby. That still wanna stare deeply into your eyes. And that still wanna bash one out onto your neck. GIRL, PLEASE. When someone says they’ll fuck for a pearl necklace they ain’t talking ’bout decorative spunking. They talking jewellery, boo! Get yo’ grotesque ass off my Grindr screen...

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Great Wall of Grindr: The Back-Hand Bitch-Slap
Mar23

Great Wall of Grindr: The Back-Hand Bitch-Slap

Sunday afternoon, when you’ve got a slutty slave looking for a dominant dicking. Are you gonna roll with it? Pah. Of course not. Like, how could you ever take a faceless profile serious with the opener, “Hi Master”. No, this ain’t a fetish club. I mean, did she actually think anyone would be seriously interested? She might as well just stand in Soho square and hand out flyers for “FREE & EASY...

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Great Wall of Grindr: Desperate Times, Girl
Mar19

Great Wall of Grindr: Desperate Times, Girl

You know them moments when you’re literally so desperate for cock that you trawl Grindr offering out unappealing sexual favours to anyone without a face pic? At 4.30am on a Monday as well. Wow – what a respectful and fulfilling life this one must lead. #THIRST Got a desperate Grindr offer? Send it our way: Tweet: @cocktalkblog Email:...

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Great Wall of Grindr: The Thirst Is Real
Mar06

Great Wall of Grindr: The Thirst Is Real

Thirst goes hand-in-hand with Grindr like vodka and Karen Walker, like cosmos and Carrie, like self-induced vomiting and Giuliana Rancic. We’re so accustomed to seeing it that we usually just ignore it like those people flogging the Big Issue. But sometimes, a thirsty bitch just needs to be put in their place… From Anon, London. Got Grindr shade? Show us! Email: contact@cocktailsandcocktalk.com Tweet:...

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Great Wall Of Grindr: Heavily Armed
Feb24

Great Wall Of Grindr: Heavily Armed

Some people were so very clearly absent from school when they were teaching flirting 101. Or English. I mean, really, who actually refers to a guy’s piece as his “weapon”. What is that supposed to be a metaphor for a gun that he’s gonna shoot all over you? Or maybe a knife to stab your shitter with? Girl please, don’t try dirty slang if you ain’t good at it. It’s embarrassing for us all…...

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Great Wall Of Grindr: “This Isn’t QVC”
Feb23

Great Wall Of Grindr: “This Isn’t QVC”

What with a plethora of apps available on the market, it can be very easy to get your Hornet confused with Amazon for example. Or Tinder with Ebay. Or Grindr with QVC… People seem to have forgotten, sell your shit on craigslist, offer inappropriate acts of sexual deviance on Grindr… Imagine though, he really did get them mixed up, and he’s trying to order a felatio off Lulu who’s clutching her pearls. Dumbass....

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Great Wall of Grindr: The Ball-Buster
Feb18

Great Wall of Grindr: The Ball-Buster

Meet ‘Runner’. Girl, you gonna wanna run when my sister Dwayne finished. I mean, sports shoes, really? Sent in From Dwayne, London. Can we deconstruct this message for a minute? Firstly, his proclamation that he isn’t looking for sex. As if, don’t worry I’d never be so forward as to ask you to fuck me for money. Just to kick my giblets about like a pro footballer.  My favourite bit is when he...

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