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Insta-hoeing and Slutty Selfies on the Rise Ahead of Valentine’s Day

Do you, as a singleton, find the thought of Valentine’s daunting? Well, you’re not the only one. As the holiday approaches, couples worldwide are getting each other expensive gifts, while singles are getting anxiety.

A report in 2017 detailed that there are more single people now, than ever. And while there is evidence to suggest that single people actually go out to dinner more often, participate in arts/hobby classes, and get more things ticked off their bucket list; the stigma of dying alone while your mangey cats devour your face is still rife.

[RELATED: Fagony Aunt: “I’ve Resigned Myself to Being a Single Gay Man”]

Whether they’re looking for love, or simply just avoiding every lonely heart’s personal hell, single people are flocking to social media and dating apps in a desperate bid to hook a mate in time for the dreaded February 14th.

So don’t be surprised if you notice a rise in half-naked white gays snapping themselves in the mirror of the gym changing room.

“It’s the perfect time to post near-nudes,” explains a friend of mine, who’s level of insta-thot is at professional.

“Most single people notice exactly how single they are around Valentine’s. Therefore they’re more likely to hit on you anyway – so you might as well encourage them with a slutty selfie.”

Well, the logic is there.

“It gives you a month to work off the Christmas gut , and two weeks to prey.”

Although he makes out his partners are the fragile and needy ones, he must crave human touch/sex/intimacy/love too, in order to lay out the trap in the first place.

[RELATED: 10 Controversial Valentine’s You Won’t Find on the Shelves]

January is actually the most popular time of year on Tinder, and not just because we want someone to hold us, and stroke our hair before we chow down on another box of Celebrations and then throw ourselves out the window. It gives people hope that they may meet their soulmate – and what better time of year to do that, than a 24-hour period we’re told is the most romantic of the year?

And then, of course, it would be fate that brought them together; not their laborous tensing and incessant scrolling and swiping.

While the desire to be snuggled up by the fire in a log cabin, with lovely glass of wine and an even lovelier man, does having a date/sex around Valentine’s really make a difference?! More over, does it even work? We can’t imagine it does.

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