Want Superpowers? All You Have to do is Give Up Mastubration… Apparently

Ever wished you could fly like Superman? Or swing from building to building like Spiderman? Well, judging by the suggestions in the “NoFappers” Reddit group, all they did was give up jacking off.

The group, formed of nearly 200,000 wankers subscribers say abstaining from watching porn, engaging in sexual self-care, or having sex can actually “seize control of your sexuality and turn it into superpowers.” Hmm, like healing the sick with your preserved nut juice?

Hmm, not quite. The “fapstronaunts” report greater creativity, more ease in social situations, boosted self-confidence, and an increased sexual interest from others.

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OK, but what’s the point of having all the dick on your doorstep if you can’t have a sample? ‘Water, water, everywhere, not a drop to drink’, springs to mind.

“I’m a recovering Grindr addict,” the 32-year-old Alex tells Gay Star News. “Every day, even at work, I was scrolling through looking for the next guy. If I couldn’t find one, I would masturbate.”

That’s not a ‘Grindr addiction’, that’s a sex addiction. When he realised his masturbating was non-stop, he gave it up. Well, shouldn’t be too hard when your cock is chafed to bits.

“Ever since I stopped going on dating apps, I feel a lot happier,” he says, as if it’s revelation that Grindr causes unhappiness.

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“I decided whenever I wanted to jerk off I would study Spanish.” I can’t speak, from a non-sex-addicts point of view, but at least he’s channelling his energy into something progressive. Although to be fair, a huge part of the fun in learning another language is using your linguistics to seduce men.

Another reformed-tosser Jack, hasn’t masturbated in 3 years. “I used to think meditation was spiritual bogus, but now I do it everyday. I now own 12 self-improvement books and regularly take cold showers.” That last bit sounds like personal hell.

Jack is “thankful” to “no longer wasting [his] time on unhealthy habits.” Speak for yourself, mister sister. For those that don’t have sex addictions, both masturbation and sex are entirely healthy.

But hey, whatever gets you through your shit.

Author: AnthonyGilet

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