The UK’s trashiest “dating show” is back, and good news — there’s more peen! Claro! ‘Cause it’s Naked Attraction. And even BETTER news, there’s more gay couples – which means twice as much cock. Weheyyy! We really wish they’d do some kind of ‘progress report’, so we can understand if the “theories” behind this even remotely work, or if we’re all just tuning in because of the innate human curiosity of seeing other people naked.

Our favourite part of the show is when the naked contestant gets off the podium and awkwardly hugs the clothed participant, and they move back a millimetre or two like it’s someone sweaty in the club. But boy, do their cameras really get up close and personal in their crevices and that.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the excitement in this guy’s face over the big black dick? Here’s hoping he doesn’t get banged so hard he ends up in a wheelch…- never mind. J/k miss thing.

His name’s Jack — and the big dick he’s ogling belongs to the guy who picked him – Jacob (we’ll get back to him, further down the post)

And then there’s Jacob:

This one’s also called Jack:

OK, enough of the heterosexuals! Here’s another gay couple!

This lad’s called Yohan. Surprisingly… not gay. Soz hun, it’s the eyebrows. Quick question: why do the pubes look like they’re scared of the dick?

This one’s Adam — and his ears aren’t the only ting that’s big.

And on THAT note, let’s all tune in next week to see more people naked and making a cock of themselves. ARF ARF. BYE.