I CAN’T stop sleeping with men even though I am marrying the woman of my dreams in three months. I’m 25 and my lovely fiancée is 23. We met two years ago at a mutual friend’s party and we have a great relationship. We both love decorating our home and planning our future together — kids, the lot.
When we met, I had been on my own since my secret relationship with another man ended. I did not tell my fiancée about my former boyfriend and tried to forget all about him and my bisexuality. It worked for a while but the urge to meet up with other men and have sex was always there. Temptation finally got the better of me one night, when I went on to Grindr and started to meet up with other men. I have had sex with quite a few of them now.
I am always honest with them that I am not looking for anything long-term but there are plenty of others in a similar situation. It is easy for me to meet guys without my fiancée knowing. She is a nurse and works long, unsociable hours.
I know what I am doing is completely wrong. I would feel gutted if she cheated on me. I have never plucked up the courage to tell her about my sexuality and now the wedding is all booked and paid for. My fiancée is so excited and can’t wait for our big day but as it approaches, I am becoming more and more uneasy.
I can’t decide whether I should tell her that I am bisexual. I have tried in the past but it is so hard. I know what I have to say will break her heart. I’m trying to put a brave face on it but keeping this a secret is killing me. I feel so guilty.
I’mma have to stop you right there. Just because you love throwing tassled cushions around and laying doilies, doesn’t mean you have a “great relationship”. Not unless the woman is your hag. Although I’m sure you know where you went wrong was trying to repress your sexuality. Sexuality is not a switch that you can turn off and on at your convenience… (Although Grindr clearly is). You can’t just paint over the cracks in the wall, especially if you’re using glitter.
The fact that you’ve had multiple sexual partners outside your committed relationship, proves that the temptation is just too much for you. You a slave to the D, girl. It’s what medical professionals call “dick-whipped”. Or alternatively, “gay”. Just kidding, I know #BisexualLivesMatter. But this is why you can’t just ignore your sexual preferences, especially if you’re a bottom. As the penis clearly trumps the pussy.
It’s great that you’re being honest with your afternoon dick appointments, but why not try doing the same with your fiancée? The fact that Florence Nightingale is helping the sick, while you’re riding the dick is a fair reason to feel guilty. I know if I’d been emptying ben pans for the last 17 hours, I wouldn’t wanna come home to a husband with cock breath.
It can be difficult to come out to someone, especially a woman that you’re cheating on, but even harder when you’ve already paid for the wedding. But the money you’ve spent is already wasted, and the marriage is already cancelled, because you’re getting banged like a steel drum behind her back. You just have to RSVP ‘not attending’ on the invite.
You’re clearly in pain keeping a secret, and betraying your fiancée in the process – so backing out is your only logical option. But you already know this, you’re just waiting for someone else to confirm it. As you said, “what I have to do”. Unless you’d rather waste even more time and energy engaging in this deluded heterosexual fantasy, until you finally snap at 42 and have lost a huge chunk of your life being someone else? Definitely do it before she puts the fucking dress on.
Telling her you’ve been sampling every pole in the neighbourhood isn’t justified, but whether you tell her you prefer the sword fish to the clam bake is up to you. It may answer her “where did it all go wrong” questions that every recently-dumped white girl has.
It’s not ideal, but breaking her heart two years down the line is better than twenty years down the line. Give the poor lass some time as much time as possible to move on. Then get off Grindr, and start meeting men under healthier circumstances. “Exchange numbers, not bodily fluids” – like my nan used to say.