For the past year, I’ve been having sexual dreams about my husband’s brothers. Yes – brothers. They are 25 and twins. In the dream, it’s always the same. I’m sipping on hot coco in a wood cabin. Suddenly, the twins walk through the front door. Before I know it, I’m servicing both of them on my knees and swallowing each. Just as I’m about to get up, the cabin door swings open and my husband walks in. For some strange reason, that’s when I suddenly wake up. I’m embarrassed to say I’m also erect.
It would be a lie if I told you I wasn’t attracted to them because I am. But I would never act on this. I always feel so guilty after one of these! Do you know what this dream is about? Does this mean I want to hook up with my man’s brothers?
Erm, in a nuthsell… yes. Yes, it does. The only thing hotter than a threesome, is a threesome when the other two people are twins. Not that I ever condone incest, but it’s a totally different kettle of cock when you’re the one getting skewered like a grubby pig.
As one that has a PHd in Dream Deciphering, I’d like to delve a little further into your dreams. The fact that you’re in a log cabin sipping coco would suggest that your stuck in the mid-west 90s and struggle with high levels of basic. What this would suggest is that your life has been so closed-off and cripplingly crap, that you’re now fantasizing about get stuffed by your husband’s siblings.
In fact, you should definitely stop watching Brokeback Mountain on repeat. Travel. Explore. Go to Berlin and get dicked upside down in a sex sling by a hairy slobbering German. Go to Mardi Gras and swallow an entire city. Get herpes! Just tell the mandem that you’re going to find yourself… He doesn’t have to know that you’ll be looking down every stranger’s pants during your search. Also, I hope in the dream that you’re servicing both of the brothers equally, as any favouritism is just considered bad form. Be a hoe, but be a hoe that supports equality.
What’s interesting though is that you always wake up when your husband walks in. It’s probably due to the guilt you feel about chowing his brothers down like a Californian cunt when she falls off the Atkins wagon. By why so guilty after a dream? Well, it’s likely that you’re in a mid-life crisis and now find yourself attracted to younger men. And more importantly, no longer sexually attracted to your drooping husband. Taking this into consideration, I’d say just divorce him. It’s for the best. Buy a sports car! Buy a log cabin! Buy an escort! Buy several, and get a coke addiction! If you’re gonna have a mid-life meltdown, you either do it Charlie Sheen, or you don’t do it.
[H/t: Gay Pop Buzz]