What is it about a little blindfolding and spanking that sends people into a state of public masturbation? Last year, a Mexican woman was arrested to opening her tuna purse during the first filming, and it turns out that men are just as shameless. A French man has been arrested for playing with his baguette at a showing of 50 Shades Darker in West France. Risky sex is hot, but come on, at least poke a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box like everyone else.

And get this! His WIFE was with him. What was she doing? Sitting there rolling her eyes, “Oh Roger, not again. It was bad enough at Memoirs of a Geisha”. Before wolfing down a fistful of popcorn thinking that was melted butter on top. Cinemas worldwide smelling of bodily fluids. VOM.

Unfortunately for the 45 year-old horn-dog, he was also sitting alongside two coppers. The pair of military police reported the incident, leading to him being kicked out of the cinema and arrested. Girl, that’s next level shame. Getting kicked out of a nightclub for engaging in felatio in the toilet is one thing, but this. Imagine standing outside the cinema with passerby’s watching you get cuffed for jerkin’ the gherkin at the Maine-et-Loire.

And this follows a person fucking themselves with their groceries in Brisbane, Australia. Err’body know what’s been happening Down Under.

But like WHY YOU GOT THAT SHIT IN YOUR BARE HAND FOR?!

So, if you’re going to see the latest film, wear a plastic rain mac and don’t ignore any sloshing sounds.