When ‘news’ broke this week that former Eastenders actress and prolific cocaine hoover Daniella Westbrook is now a DJ, it was only natural that everybody snorted. With laughter, not a rock of pure Columbian. And while on the surface, it may seem that it’s actually possible to hire a DJ even less qualified than Paris Hilton, we’d bet your bottom dollar she’s been to more after-parties than you and all your mates put together. And everybody knows that wreck-heads may not have a sense of smell, but their playlists are always savage af. We can’t wait for Kerry Katona to headline Creamfields.

After rebuilding her septum, Westbrook has decided to rebuild a career, this time in the music industry. Although wearing the headphones Daniella looked as if somebody had just asked her to decipher the Da Vinci code…

Thankfully she had her laptop to hand; which looked like it arrived by throwing itself down a set of stairs, or surfing through a heap of special snow. Westbrook managed to gurn for a series of elegant photos with a Sin Til Late fan. Oh no, that’s an actual fan, just in case you were confused.

Personally, we think it would be sick having Daniella DJ in our local Wetherspoons, “do you take requests?” Yeah, you want Charlie or MD mate? The Sun reported that “she wore an eye-popping outfit for her moment in the spotlight”, they meant pill-popping outfit, right? You can imagine the stylist: “Daniella, the walls are damask… WE’VE GOT THIS!”:

After posing for photos with an empty glass, the photographer thanked Westbrook, “Cheers Dan, that’s a wrap”. To which she crawled around on her hands and knees for half an hour looking for one.