FAGONY AUNT: Advises Boy Questioning Sexuality After Watching Gay Porn

gay-boy

I’ve been [a member of GayBros] for a while, I guess it was a way for my brain to try and tell me that I might be something else than just “straight” but I guess it’s taken me a while to admit. I came across one of the porn threads a couple days ago and decided “Eh, what the fuck, I’ll give it a go…” and watched some of it.

Well anyways let’s just say I didn’t expect to feel the way I did afterwards. I’ve always sort of thought I might be bi or gay but I’ve never acted out on it, primarily because my father is a huge homophobe.I’ve been figuring out my emotions for the past few days and it’s been pretty weird. I think I’m probably bi, but then again who knows.

I’m a little anxious about me actually figuring out what the hell I am because of how homophobic my dad is. Anyways, sorry for the wall of text, I just needed somewhere to vent and I haven’t got anywhere else to go…

Hey Mr Sister,

Jumbo! And welcome. As fresh meat, rest assured that you’ll have every thirsty hoe with no game in the surrounding neighbourhoods offering up sloppy foreplay and mediocre intercourse, at best. I’m sure you’re thrilled. Firstly, I must correct you, though… Being a member of the Tom Daley fan page on Facebook is your brain trying to tell you something, being a member of GayBros is like getting halfway through a meatball Sub and then realising that you might not be a vegetarian. Or getting a job on public transport and then concluding that you actually are a total wanker. Deep down, you knew it all along, Mija.

Congratulations on having the courage to watch two college boys get drunk and tug on each other; it’s the first step. Although, approach that “what the fuck, I’ll give it a go” attitude with caution; next thing you know you’re being cream-pied by seven sluts in leather harnesses and promising God you’ll go to church every Sunday if you leave the GUM clinic unscathed. Don’t worry about those feeling you had; everybody feels unclean and sleepy afterwards.

Sadly, homophobic fathers are probably the most common cause of closet-case-itus. But if it makes you feel any better, the chances are that he’s a massive fairy himself. And even better than that, he’s repressed those urges for so long, he’s probably got a brain tumour. So, silver linings, etc. Your emotions are not the enemy, don’t fight them, just accept them and bend over. Bless you, thinking you’re bi… You’re not. Well, I mean, if you consider Paul O’Grady bi, then sure. It’s just the first step of acceptance.

But you know what sweetie, feeling nervous is totally normal, but let me tell you now – this is not life or death. You, like Gloria Gaynor, will survive. It’s just whether you’re relationship with your father will. But, and I’m sure you love him like the ignorant son of a bitch he is, if he can’t accept you for who you really are, and who you love – that’s one man you definitely don’t need in your life. (Once you get Grindr, you’ll quickly discover there’s plenty more). Bite the bullet, rip off the band-aid and start doing you (and men, lots of men). If he’s meant to be in your life, he’ll support you.

As for having nowhere to go… There’s plenty of support groups Whitney playlists you can turn to on Spotify. See you at Pride!

Fagony Aunt xo

P.S. Swerve the public toilets on Carnaby Street *shudder*.

fagony!

Author: AnthonyGilet

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