Meet ‘Runner’. Girl, you gonna wanna run when my sister Dwayne finished. I mean, sports shoes, really?

Sent in From Dwayne, London.

Can we deconstruct this message for a minute? Firstly, his proclamation that he isn’t looking for sex. As if, don’t worry I’d never be so forward as to ask you to fuck me for money. Just to kick my giblets about like a pro footballer. 

My favourite bit is when he says “by feet” – Because there’s nothing worse than a guy showing up to trample on your balls and he’s got a pair of hooves.

“an hour” – he’s actually provided a going rate for gonad-squashing. If he can have that done for longer than an hour, I’m – quite frankly – impressed.

Got a ball-busting ask? Send, send, send!

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